Rub Out The Idiocy


Two things that make my skin crawl are kangaroos and the sheer, embarrassing, idiocy sweeping our great nation. While I never thought I’d be faced with these two particular skin crawlers in the same moment, life has surprised me again. One kangaroo and one college joined forces to present such an occasion during Freshman Orientation.

I’ve always had a thing about kangaroos. I think they’re creepy giant rats with turbo legs and tails of destruction. They have been known to rip dogs apart, and let’s not even get started on videos of them boxing.  Yet there has been a segment of middle ground, between the Joeys and the adult. There is a brief sliver of time where they can be cute, all snuggled up in their mom’s pouch, and they even help the moms look less unnatural.  Who remembers Roo from Winnie the Pooh? She was an excellent ambassador for the kangaroo species.
Until now.

Roo seems to have joined the masses of Marchers without a true Cause, marching simply because it’s cool or because their friends are doing it. Roo and this college formerly perceived as prestigious and to which I looked forward to my own son being accepted into, have managed to take a very serious platform and make a mockery of it. They have minimized a violent sexual act to where it is a joke. All for the price tag of a $38,000 annual tuition, with extra fees like room ($7,162.00) student activity ($274.00) health ($270.00) and meals ($5112.00) raising that bargain fee quite substantially.

How did they do this, you ask?  They cleverly used her name as an acronym to – get this – Rub One Out.

Yes, you read that correctly. Apparently this college’s board believes that rape can be addressed by young men choosing to rub one out. And that a cartoon character is the ideal messenger to deliver that genius thought. This, by the way, was presented in a mandatory session. What a swell use of time and resources, and what an inspiring and appropriate message to send. By all means, let’s not remind all the students of their responsibility to respect themselves and others. Let’s not treat rape as a violent crime but rather as one of which jokes are to be made.

I’m pretty sure no red-blooded male needs to be reminded of his ability take matters into his own hands, so to speak. They certainly don’t need an official presentation on the matter, because it is a skill that comes naturally to both sexes. Yes, that’s right. Even women have itches to scratch. And come to think of it, even men get raped – by women or by other men. I have counseled enough victims of such a crime enough to know it is a fact.


This college missed its mark. The only thing that needs to be rubbed out is idiocy like this.

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