How My Narcissist, Abusive, Addict Ex Prepared Me to Withstand the Liberal Lunacy

“Deny and Counter Accuse.” I can still hear him say that with such a smug, satisfied smirk on his face and in his voice. It was the technique he told me he used against anyone who accused him of something- even if they were right. Whatever a person accused him of he’d deny and blame them for, instead.

It always worked, he boasted. If I had been operating at anything near normal levels of awareness I would never have let myself be so manipulated and controlled, but I was still extremely naive and vulnerable to these tactics.

Even when he told me his technique well in advance of him deploying it against me, I fell for it.

It was five years after my husband was murdered in Iraq by the Supply Sergeant, two years since the military set my husband’s killer free and I then discovered they had covered up a guilty plea, and one year after I extricated myself from a relationship I’d prematurely gotten myself into because I’d been so desperately exhausted and in need of an ally against loneliness and betrayal.

My guess is for plenty of other people, those five years of lies, treachery, and backstabbing would have been enough for them to learn some hard lessons about manipulation and strength. But not me.

Five years of various levels of trauma, deceit, and pain inflicted from the military politicians, from people who said they were my family, and from the person who once told me he’d protect me and my four beautiful little boys should have opened my eyes up just a teeny tiny bit.

But I was a very slow learner.

So I ignored all the gut instincts I had, all the times it felt wrong to be talked to one way, bullied another, and convinced to set myself on fire just to keep my tormentor warm.

Even when he used that same technique he’d told me about - when he began blaming me for his behavior- for a long time it made me wonder if perhaps it was my fault.

For instance: “I didn’t actually push you hard but you did make me mad, anyway.”

He had reasons it was my fault he drank so much, yelled so much, lied so much, took all my money, passed out, and stole my prescription pain meds after my surgery.

And he brilliantly convinced me it would be wrong to put my boys through losing someone else. He even got an arrest warrant in my name (That story is for another day.)

And still, when I tried to break up with him, and he accused me of never loving him, and then proposed to me with his grandmother’s ring, and told me if I didn’t immediately say yes he’d tell the boys it was all my fault he left. I still believed it was better for my kids to have him stay - that they somehow didn’t see what was really happening.

For good measure, his mom told me if I kicked him out he’d kill himself and it would be my fault - she’d already lost one son to an accident, did I really want to make her lose another?

Well, friends, eventually I figured it all out and got rid of him. Life immediately improved. Slowly, I rebuilt, and those hard lessons were finally learned.

No one has the ability to break me down anymore. No one has the power to make me feel bad about myself based on my refusal to cower beneath their cruelty or lies. I now know my own strength. I have the courage to stand up for myself and what I believe in.

That is how I became immune from the psychological warfare being waged upon us - how I withstand the Left’s Liberal Lunacy.

No one got near me with their pharmaceutical experiments. I missed out on a family wedding, showers, and other events because of that.

I hear people I know and some I am even related to talk about how they disagree with this or that, didn’t want to take that $ho+ but they “had” to.

I’ve had a lot of people who profess to be the tolerant, benevolent Americans slam their doors in my face when they decided the very traits they admired about me before are now vile acts of racism, fascism, selfishness, or stupidity.

Buh-bye.

I’ve lost client opportunities because people are afraid to be outed as opposing this Liberal lunacy and can’t risk associating publicly with me, or they hate me based on their beliefs.

Buh-bye.

I’ve been censored, scolded, shamed, mocked, and excluded. Sometimes it’s by the radical Liberals who are intent on destroying all that is good in America and in mankind. But often, it’s by people who are now under the spell of those radicals who are using the same tactics I once fell for, too.

For the first group, I genuinely believe they are lost. There’s no day that will dawn in which they will cease their dangerous and yes - evil - pursuits.

But for the latter - for the people who felt coerced into things they disagreed with, who are having those gut feelings that something is wrong, who are continuing to comply and support the Liberal Lunacy because they cannot bring themselves - yet - to recognize that wolf in sheep’s clothing… that day will dawn.

Just like I had to allow my world and my children’s worlds to burn down repeatedly before I finally realized the psychological warfare I’d been subjected to, millions of Americans are going through that process themselves.

We can’t give up on them or on America.

It’s easier to deceive a person than to make them aware that they have been deceived. That’s what my experiences taught me, and the hard lesson so many will still one day learn.

—
Barb Allen
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