Conquer, Smile, Repeat

The thing about having failed - many times very publicly- and listened to the laughter as people celebrated those failures- is that eventually you realize all that happened and you're still here.

That fear of failure loses its power, and then the challenge becomes fun.

Then you start putting one victory on top of another- small ones and big ones alike.

And win or lose, at the end of your life your regrets will never be that thing you DIDN'T go for.

And that's fine with me.

I will never forget a conversation I was privy to, between a mother and her daughter. We were all having lunch together. The daughter was in her young twenties. She was trying to find her way and figure out what to do with her life. Recently free from an extremely unhealthy relationship, the daughter courageously moved back to our hometown and started her life over.

She was stuck in a job that was very physical- far more than her petite frame was built for. The job also had its share of danger. She’d been injured once already. She looked worse than when she arrived back in town. Her petite frame was now gaunt. She moved slower than an 80 year old, wincing in discomfort from her bruised body.

Advancements in this career path were possible, just very slow. She would be the low man on that totem pole for the foreseeable future. That meant she would be given the least popular assignments.

The pay was slightly above average for our area. That being said, this area of NY is not cheap. Between state and local taxes, most of us pay tens of thousands or more a year.

This job the daughter had was competitive. Plenty of people were ready to replace her. That’s because the upside for people whose bodies didn’t break included advancement to positions with far less of a physical demand. The job also came with desirable benefit packages and for those stay 20-25 years, those golden handcuffs come off and yield pension, IRA, and other rewards.

You just have to be willing to trade those 20 years.

For this young daughter, my concern was that the job would break her right when she had discovered how strong she is. I knew there were so many other options. I waited eagerly for her mother to respond.

And I could not believe what she said.

“Suck it up for twenty years.”

Life is supposed to be hard, she told her daughter. She would probably not find a better option, and this was a guaranteed income with benefits. She’d get used to it and one day it wouldn’t be as hard. She’d still be in her forties when she could retire and then could be picky.

Hearing that put the “flabber” in my “gasted.

I could not believe I was hearing a mother tell her daughter to submit twenty years of life to a life she hated. This young woman had just demonstrated her own belief that she was worth more than what she had previously settled for. Now her own mother was telling her to trade one kind of misery for another.

At least that’s how I saw it.

This mother saw it differently. Her life had its own share of heartache and disappointment. She genuinely believed she was doing her daughter a favor by encouraging her to stay in a job that was consistent and predictable. She didn’t want her daughter to be lost in the world, and she believed this job was a solid foundation for her- even it if meant her body would be broken. She was sure her daughter would heal.

I’m not one to give people a blanket pass on pushing through physical challenges. But not every person is built to withstand or overcome every physical challenge. This job would be like expecting a 5 foot tall man to dominate in the NBA.

Eventually the daughter left that job. She did struggle to find her professional footing for some time, but the change in her health and well-being was instant. She was a new woman.
What does this have to do with conquering our challenges, you ask? I mean, didn’t she give up on hers?

Hell no she did not.

In fact, if that’s what you think, go back and read it again. But this time instead of looking at that job as the challenge, look at happiness and quality of life as the challenge.

Quitting that “Safe’ job was not failure. It was a tactical retreat. The courage and wisdom to move away from the wrong path is something many of us do not possess naturally. It has to be learned through mistakes- sometimes decades of mistakes.

I have managed to achieve some notable goals in my professional life: I have three published books of my own, I have ghostwritten and edited multiple other books. Those are my measurable successes.

I have a host of other achievements I am proud of. But whether those were successes or failures is in the eye of the beholder. I went for things zillions of people dream of but never try. I continue to do that today. Some people laugh at me. Others cheer.

I appreciate both. Because both fuel me to do more, be more, and live more.

The next target in my sights is turning my screenplay (based off my book) HOW TO WOO A WIDOW, into a hit film. It is a daunting road ahead, including raising somewhere around 5 million dollars to make the film.

Some would say that is 5 million reasons I’ll never make it happen.

I say it is 5 million reasons I’ll look back and realize how amazing life can be when you go all in.

Conquer. Smile. Repeat.